Letting the cat out of my bag of insecurities.

I like to use the phrase “putting on my Taylor Swift face”.  You know that look of shock she gives her fans when they applaud her?  The look that has the media yelling fake.  Well, fake or not, I like that face.   I feel that way on a fairly regular basis.  And it’s genuine. Every time someone says they like my art, I always forget to say thank you first.  I ask, “really?” 

See my origins are in quilting.  All hand quilting.  When you spend that much time with a project, you become intimate with every little thing you wish you had done better or different.   You start doubting yourself and your abilities.   The same is true of everything I do.   I always see the ear that is slightly off, or the paint spot I missed, or that glaringly huge mistake that is only noticeable to me.  You see, I know what I wanted the piece to be and anything other than that is a disappointment.   It doesn’t mean it’s bad, it’s just not what I was trying for.

You can imagine my Taylor Swift face when I found out that I had been accepted to PFATT.  I was so excited I squealed like a baby pig.  Then I started planning my debut offerings.  I knew they wanted some tin items, ok, I could do that… and I wanted to add at least one sculpture… what should it be?   I started going through my box of heads and nothing stood out.  I finished two pieces and neither of them were right.

I started thinking about all the people I would be selling with.  These are the people I had been half “stalking” er I mean collecting for years.   These artists are really really good.  I looked at my stuff, and seeing all the flaws, it wasn’t measuring up.  I started to panic.  I even went and looked at some of the other people’s offerings just to see if it made me feel more at ease… it made it worse.  I started comparing my stuff to theirs.  Should I use more pink?  Should my stuff look happy?   

Here is what I have to remind myself…thanks to my very patient husband who pulled me off the ceiling last night around 9:30.. I have my own style, and no, it’s not happy or cutesy or pink, but it’s mine.  And if the Jury at PFATT thinks I can sell with them, why don’t I think I can?  I will always feel like I am lucky to be in an arena like this.  I will always see my flaws.  I will always be a little scared to put my art in front of people.  But I think part of the appeal of this journey is challenging ourselves to always be a little uncomfortable… it’s what makes our Taylor Swift faces genuine.  So if I forget to thank you for your compliment, it’s not out of vanity or rudeness, its out of disbelief that I should receive one.

February the 10^th is the debut of Enduring Traditions on PFATT.  Please check out my page and all the REALLY good artists at www.pfattmarketplace.com